


I wish I could tell you

by captainhurricane



Category: Persona 5
Genre: F/F, Past Suicide Attempt, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-18
Updated: 2017-08-18
Packaged: 2018-12-16 23:41:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11839467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captainhurricane/pseuds/captainhurricane
Summary: Shiho likes Ann.





	I wish I could tell you

There is a little knot inside Shiho. 

Maybe it’s just her intestines twirling themselves around each other, making her ache- maybe it is whatever train wreck her nervous system, her brain, her heart have become.

The little knot is there, no matter that she still breathes today- is still alive and kicking and awake enough to hear Ann laugh.

Oh, if it wasn’t for Ann and her other friends- Shiho doesn’t let that thought go too far. She just knows the knot inside her would grow and grow and grow and she’d find herself on a ledge again.

She is glad for a lot of things: glad to be out of that school, glad to not bear witness to that man’s public, out-of-nowhere apology, glad to be alive if she’s quite honest with herself but she isn’t glad to be so far away from Ann.

Brave, beautiful Ann who others sneered at, who others gossiped about but who still held- still holds- her head high. Shiho sees her in magazines sometimes, even in a few televised ads.

Shiho doesn’t tell Ann that she saves those magazines in her scrapbook, cheeks hot at the thought of Ann ever finding out: it’s like Shiho is some kind of a stalker.

No matter that Ann brings a lot of those magazines herself when she visits, with an armful of pretty clothes and a mouthful of exciting tales of her days with her other friends, her new friends who are less quivery, less scared of their own minds.

Shiho stifles the sting of jealousy each time. She knows, she just knows they are to thank for her survival and for that man’s turn of heart. Not that Shiho still feels comfortable with men, especially men who look like him.

Shiho hasn’t ever quite felt comfortable with anyone or anything other than Ann.

So if she clings to Ann a little harder than usual whenever they see each other, at least Ann doesn’t comment on it- maybe doesn’t even notice. Shiho likes to think she does though. Ann is perfect, after all.

X

Ann is perfect because she always listens.

Ann is perfect because she always laughs with Shiho, never at her.

Ann is perfect because she is kind and always saves the last bite of whatever cake she likes that day for Shiho.

Ann is perfect because- because-

Ann would be perfect if she had a smile that was just for Shiho, if she kissed Shiho the way Shiho wishes to be kissed, if she-

X

 _“’sup?”_ Ann’s sleep-grumbly voice rumbles pleasantly in Shiho’s ear, even through the haze of the fading nightmare.

“Ann,” Shiho whispers, hiding under her blanket, palm over her stinging eyes.

_“Another nightmare?”_

Shiho sniffles.

_“He can’t hurt you anymore, hun. You’re safe. You’re at home, right?”_

Shiho nods. Sniffles again. “Of course.”

Ann hums, clearly still half-asleep. Shiho almost hangs up.

_“Do you want me to talk? Or be quiet?”_

Shiho’s breath hitches. If only Ann was here in person. If only. “Sorry I woke you.”

_“You know it’s fine, doofus. Should I tell you what the boys were up to today?”_

A startled little laugh escapes before Shiho can prevent it. She remembers those boys: the quiet, mysterious transfer. Rebellious Sakamoto with a kinder heart than most would ever find out. Shiho has heard of the others from Ann, seen the massive amount of pictures on Ann’s various social media accounts. They all sound so nice.

“Yeah. How are they? And the other girls?”

Ann hums again. Shiho listens to the rustle of sheets and imagines being there with Ann, cuddling up to her under her blankets and whispering secrets to each other until falling asleep.

_“Ryoji made up this prank that almost got him punched, when will that idiot ever learn that you don’t fuck with our Makoto-“_

Shiho closes her eyes again. She lets her breathing start calming down, her heartbeats slow back to their normal pace. She giggles softly into her pillow when Ann describes in intricate detail the punishment Makoto had introduced to Ryoji’s newest sneakers.

“She’s so fierce,” Shiho whispers.

Ann hums. _“That’s our Makoto.”_

“But you’re the fiercest,” Shiho whispers before she can stop herself.

Ann giggles _. “And you’re the sweetest.”_

They talk a little more of their school days, of their parents, of Shiho starting volleyball again.

“You should fall back asleep,” Shiho whispers finally when Ann has yawned for the third time in a row.

 _“So should you,”_ Ann counters instantly.

Shiho’s eyes have been closed for the longest time, the edge of sleep creeping up on her. “Almost there,” she mumbles.

 _“Aww,”_ whispers Ann’s voice into her ear. _“Sweet dreams this time, Shiho.”_

“Hope so. Sweet dreams, Ann.”

X

Shiho is fine with the situation as it is. As long as she gets to keep Ann in her life.

Shiho is fine with it.

Yet… some part of her wants to force those words out _\- I like you I like you I like you so much I’m going to explode-_ when they’re talking on the phone, when they’re sitting in Shiho’s new room or when they’re shopping.

That part of her is glad that Ann lives so far away so the urge is less invasive in her daily life.

The feeling never goes away though.

X

She’s fine with it. She’s fine with the thought that Ann might get together with Sakamoto or the transfer or- she’s fine with it.

She’s fine with it.

Shiho isn’t going to lose Ann if Ann dates someone- some boy- because Shiho knows she’s still important to Ann.

X

_I like you, I like you, I like you so much._

X

If she dreams about holding Ann’s hand and kissing that hand and that mouth then Ann doesn’t need to know.

X

_I like you, I like you, I like you._


End file.
